- How did your pregnancy go?
- What happened when you left the hospital?
- How did the start of labor go?
- When did you know your baby was in pain?
- At that moment, what did you feel?
- What happened in the OR?
- Did you realize what you were being told right away?
- How did your partner react?
- How was Eden's cause of death detected?
- Was your family able to support you during this ordeal?
- How were you supported by health professionals?
- What impact did this ordeal have on your relationship?
- Were you able to return to your work?
- How do you live with this absence?
- Are you able to have plans and move forward little by little?
- How do you view the future of your family?
- Do you have a final message to share?
How did your pregnancy go?
I got pregnant with Eden in May 2022. During the first months, everything went very well. I had nausea, vomiting, and also frequent urinary infections, but that's the lot of many pregnant women. At 33 weeks, I was hospitalized because I had some blood loss. The doctors noticed that my cervix was shortened and that it was already open to 2. I was also having a lot of contractions so I spent a few days in the hospital to mature my baby's lungs and to stop my contractions. .
What happened when you left the hospital?
They told me to rest but not to stop living. However, I made the decision to stay bedridden until 37 weeks because I was afraid that my baby would be born prematurely. My pregnancy lasted until 38+5 weeks, so I was quite happy.
How did the start of labor go?
That day, I had to go eat at my sister-in-law's house and 1 hour after arriving there, I realized that I was starting to have severe pain. I had a lot of contractions from 33 weeks until the birth but at that time I felt it was different so I went to the maternity ward with my partner.
When I arrived, I was alone because my darling had to stay in the car while we found out if it was really work that was started or not. I was taken care of very quickly and after 10 minutes I was examined. I was already open at 4. I was very happy, I said to myself I'm going to have the epidural and then my partner joined me!
When did you know your baby was in pain?
When I arrived, they immediately gave me an antibiotic drip because I was positive for Streptococcus B, a bacteria that you need to look for when you are pregnant. They also put me on monitoring. When listening to the baby's heart during the first monitoring, they saw that there was a small problem and that the heart was no longer beating fast enough. We hadn't even been there 15 minutes, and they called the gynecologist on call directly. Immediately, she saw that the heart of Eden, my son, was in bradycardia. They immediately told me they had to do an emergency C-section.
At that moment, what did you feel?
I just remember that they said “code red”, they asked my boyfriend to take off my ring, my necklace and I left. I didn't have time to tell him anything and he had to stay in a separate room. In 5 minutes, I was covered in betadine and in the operating room with a sheet in front of me.
What happened in the OR?
They just told me to push, so I pushed and then they took my son out. They left with it, I didn't hear him scream. All the while, I was asking them if he was okay, how he was doing. I was told that they were trying to do everything possible to get him through it, and I, until my darling was brought back to the OR, didn't know anything. They managed to revive him after 40 minutes, but his brain was too damaged. They told us he had died.
Did you realize what you were being told right away?
No, at the time I was really in shock. They asked us straight away if we wanted to see it, they said it was magnificent. From then until the week of the funeral I don't have too many memories. Plus I had just had a cesarean section so I was a little fired up. And I know they put him in my arms but I have no memory of that. They also asked if we wanted to do an autopsy and I don't remember my answer. I have some memories of the care of the nurses who passed through the room, but not with Eden. I think it's a protective mechanism.
How did your partner react?
For him, it was the opposite. He spoke to him, he managed to take him in his arms, I really couldn't do it. Until the funeral, he spent a lot of time with our son, he wanted to see him as much as possible during this week. For my part, I had a lot of problems following my cesarean section, I had to be hospitalized again for pain. I was in big trouble because I had huge cramps in my stomach. We found out that my son had died from chorioamnionitis, so I had an infection too and had to have a course of antibiotics. I then spent a lot less time with Eden.
How was Eden's cause of death detected?
I work in the hospital where I gave birth, so it was my colleagues who did the analysis. I quickly knew my placenta was infected and after agreeing to the autopsy we knew he had died from a Strep B infection.
Was your family able to support you during this ordeal?
Yes, my parents and my in-laws came the same evening, they were in front of the maternity ward and afterwards they helped us with all the procedures.
How were you supported by health professionals?
We were offered psychological help, but we wanted to take our time to make an appointment. When I wanted to make an appointment, they explained to us that we would only have one or two sessions. We went to see another psychologist, who had already followed me once or twice in previous years. It didn't help us at all, so we decided to stop everything. My loved ones told me to look for another professional, but I don't feel the need. I speak openly about my son on a daily basis and it is important to allow me to move forward with my grief.
What impact did this ordeal have on your relationship?
The first weeks were very complicated. We almost broke up. But now we are even more united than before. Eden is a force in our relationship, we are getting back together and I love her much more than before.
Were you able to return to your work?
Yes, Eden was born on February 4th and I returned to work on May 5th. I still work in this hospital center but it is complicated for me because my job is to look for bacteria in the samples and in particular the bacteria which caused my son's death. It's very hard from a psychological point of view.
How do you live with this absence?
The 4th of each month are still quite difficult days and ones that I dread a lot. I'm even more scared for his first birthday, which will arrive in a few months. It's also going to be very difficult but we decided that we will celebrate it all the same. On a daily basis, we go to the cemetery a lot to bring him flowers. Eden is part of our lives, it is always in our words, in everything we do. With my sister who also lost a baby at 4 months of pregnancy, I talk about it often. For the rest of those around us, it's more difficult, the subject is still very painful and they have difficulty talking about it without crying. So I avoid it so as not to hurt them.
Are you able to have plans and move forward little by little?
With my partner, we went on a trip 2 months after Eden's birth for a week, which did us a lot of good. We also adopted a little kitten who helped us, with our first cat, get up in the morning. Now we live again a little, we manage to allow ourselves outings. However, we miss Eden more and more. We were told a lot that it would subside over time, but the lack seems to be getting bigger and bigger.
How do you view the future of your family?
We want to have a new child. In our case, we were told to wait a year after my C-section before experiencing another pregnancy. There we resumed the baby tests, but for the moment I think that from a psychological and physical point of view it's a little blocked. However, we remain hopeful, that allows us to hold on.
