Morgane: coping with perinatal grief
In February, Morgane became a mother to a little boy named Eden. Sadly, on the same day, she and her partner faced the unthinkable: perinatal loss. Today, she shares her story to break the taboo surrounding this ordeal.
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- How did your pregnancy go?
- What happened when you left the hospital?
- How did the start of the work go?
- At what point did you know your baby was in distress?
- At that moment, what did you feel?
- What happened in the operating room?
- Did you realize what we were telling you right away?
- How did your spouse react?
- How was the cause of Eden's death detected?
- Was your family able to support you through this ordeal?
- How were you supported by healthcare professionals?
- What impact has this ordeal had on your relationship?
- Were you able to return to work?
- How are you coping with this absence?
- Are you able to make plans and move forward little by little?
- How do you see the future of your family?
- Do you have a final message to share?
How did your pregnancy go?
I became pregnant with Eden in May 2022. For the first few months, everything went very well. I had nausea, vomiting, and frequent urinary tract infections, but that's common for many pregnant women. At 33 weeks, I was hospitalized because I had some bleeding. The doctors noticed that my cervix was shortened and already dilated to 2 cm. I was also having a lot of contractions, so I spent a few days in the hospital to help mature my baby's lungs and stop the contractions.
What happened when you left the hospital?
They told me to rest but not to stop living. However, I decided to stay in bed until 37 weeks because I was afraid my baby would be born prematurely. My pregnancy lasted until 38 weeks and 5 days, so I was quite happy.
How did the start of the work go?
That day, I was supposed to go to my sister-in-law's for lunch, and an hour after arriving there, I realized I was starting to have severe pain. I had a lot of contractions from 33 weeks of pregnancy until delivery, but at that point I felt things were different, so I went to the maternity ward with my partner.
When I arrived, I was alone because my partner had to stay in the car until they knew for sure whether or not labor had started. I was seen very quickly, and after 10 minutes I was examined. I was already 4 centimeters dilated. I was so happy, I thought to myself, "I'm going to get an epidural," and then my partner joined me!
At what point did you know your baby was in distress?
When I arrived, they immediately started me on an IV drip of antibiotics because I had tested positive for Group B Strep, a bacterium that needs to be tested for during pregnancy. They also put me on a monitor. During the first monitoring session, they saw that there was a slight problem and that the baby's heart wasn't beating fast enough. We hadn't even been there 15 minutes, and they immediately called the on-call gynecologist. She immediately saw that Eden, my son, had a bradycardia. They told me right away that they would have to perform an emergency C-section.
At that moment, what did you feel?
I just remember them saying "code red," asking my boyfriend to take off my ring and necklace, and then I left. I didn't have time to say anything to him, and he had to stay in a separate room. Within five minutes, I was covered in Betadine and in the operating room with a sheet in front of me.
What happened in the operating room?
They just told me to push, so I pushed, and then they brought my son out. They left with him; I didn't hear him cry. The whole time, I kept asking them if he was okay, how he was doing. They told me they were trying everything they could to save him, and until they brought my darling back to me in the operating room, I knew nothing. They managed to resuscitate him after 40 minutes, but his brain was too badly damaged. They told us he had died.
Did you realize what we were telling you right away?
No, at the time I was completely in shock. They asked us right away if we wanted to see him; they said he was beautiful. From that moment until the week of the funeral, I don't really remember much. Plus, I had just had a C-section, so I was a bit out of it. And I know they put him in my arms, but I have no recollection of that. They also asked if we wanted an autopsy, and I don't remember my answer. I have some memories of the nurses coming into the room, but not with Eden. I think it's a protective mechanism.
How did your spouse react?
For him, it was the opposite. He talked to him, he was able to hold him, but I really couldn't. Right up until the funeral, he spent a lot of time with our son; he wanted to see him as much as possible during that week. As for me, I had a lot of problems following my C-section; I had to be hospitalized again for pain. I was in a lot of pain because I had terrible cramps in my stomach. We learned that my son had died of chorioamnionitis, so I also had an infection and had to take antibiotics. I then spent much less time with Eden.
How was the cause of Eden's death detected?
I work at the hospital where I gave birth, so my colleagues did the analysis. I quickly learned that my placenta was infected, and after agreeing to the autopsy, we learned that he died from a Group B Streptococcus infection.
Was your family able to support you through this ordeal?
Yes, my parents and my in-laws came that very evening, they were outside the maternity ward and afterwards they helped us with all the procedures.
How were you supported by healthcare professionals?
We were offered psychological help, but we wanted to take our time making an appointment. When I went to book, we were told we would only have one or two sessions. We went to see another therapist, who had already seen me once or twice in previous years. It didn't help us at all, so we decided to stop everything. My family told me to look for another professional, but I don't feel the need. I talk openly about my son every day, and that's important for me to move forward in my grieving process.
What impact has this ordeal had on your relationship?
The first few weeks were very difficult. We almost broke up. But now we're even closer than before. Eden is a strength in our relationship, we're getting back on our feet together, and I love her much more than ever.
Were you able to return to work?
Yes, Eden was born on February 4th and I went back to work on May 5th. I still work at this hospital, but it's difficult for me because my job involves searching for bacteria in samples, particularly the bacteria that caused my son's death. It's very hard psychologically.
How are you coping with this absence?
The 4th of each month is a pretty difficult day, one I dread a lot. I'm especially worried about his first birthday, which is coming up in a few months. It's going to be very hard, but we've decided we'll celebrate it anyway. We often go to the cemetery to bring him flowers. Eden is a part of our lives; he's always in our thoughts, in everything we do. I often talk about it with my sister, who also lost a baby at four months of pregnancy. It's harder for the rest of our family and friends; the subject is still very painful, and they struggle to talk about it without crying. So I avoid it so as not to upset them.
Are you able to make plans and move forward little by little?
My partner and I went on a trip two months after Eden was born for a week, which did us a world of good. We also adopted a kitten who, along with our first cat, helped us get up in the morning. Now we're starting to feel a bit better, and we're able to go out for walks. However, we miss Eden more and more. We've been told many times that it will ease with time, but the longing seems to grow stronger every day.
How do you see the future of your family?
We want to have another child. In our case, we were told to wait a year after my C-section before trying for another pregnancy. We've started trying for a baby again, but for the moment I think it's a bit of a block, both psychologically and physically. However, we're staying hopeful, and that's what's keeping us going.
Do you have a final message to share?
I wanted to write this article to talk about my son and keep him alive through us. To break the taboo surrounding perinatal grief. Families affected by this tragedy need to talk about their baby, to keep him alive through their words, and unfortunately, after experiencing the death of our son, we realized that many people no longer saw us for fear of having to talk about Eden...
